When we returned home to Watford City after seeing Faith's pediatrician in Bismarck, there was one day where I opened up my Bible to Hebrews 11. For some reason, though, I skipped over to Chapter 12 and started reading it aloud to Faith. I couldn't believe my eyes when I came across verses 12 and 13.
Therefore, strengthen your feeble arms and weak knees. Make level paths for your feet, so that the lame may not be disabled, but rather healed. Hebrews 12:12-13
I was so excited, I said, "Faith did you hear that?" and I read it again. I really truly believed that the Lord had given me that verse at that particular time for a reason.
As time went on and we learned more about Faith's disability, I became disheartened. I wanted to believe the Lord could heal her but I think I wanted Him to heal her more for my sake than for hers. I didn't want to go through life with a special needs child. I also thought it was so unfair for God to give me a special needs child when I myself had a congenital defect.
Through time, patience, prayer, emotional healing, perseverance and the Grace of God, I was able to accept my daughter's disability. My belief for her healing has waned at times but remains strong at others.
Sometimes when I'm going through a period of doubt I start thinking about what it's going to be like years down the road. Faith is growing and while that is a good thing, I worry about there coming a day when I'm not able to lift her. How am I going to get her in and out of bed or in and out of the bathtub especially when I have a 50-pound lifting restriction? What's it going to be like when she reaches puberty? Am I going to have to shave her legs and armpits for her?
I believe we have seen God's healing work in her already and I know God can heal her completely. But I also know it is in His timing, not mine. So when these thoughts start crossing my mind, the Lord reminds me of Jesus' words in Matthew.
Do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. Matthew 6:34
Not only do I have to remind myself of this, but also the fact that God has given me everything I have needed to get through the past six years and I know He will give me everything I need to make it through the next six and all of the years following.